Life and Death Should be celebrated...

A week ago, we welcomed our newborn family member. She is our first new generation in our family. My family is overjoyed. My dad would have been exhilarated if he is here to share the news. This I am sure.

A few days as we were still excited over Azalea’s birth, we were shocked and saddened with the passed of our cousin. I still remember him when he attended my brother’s wedding early of the year. He was a nice chap and respected my parents. He never failed to visit them every CNY except this year and he also visited my dad when he was ill.

One thing about my generation of Wong, we have been thought well to respect our elders and no question about it. He would be the first to pass from my generation of Wong’s.

I attended the wake by myself because according to Chinese tradition, my family are in ‘celebration’ of life while funeral is the opposite and both occasions should not be ‘combined’ (“chung”). I find it very absurd and upset with such tradition.

The funeral was held at a parlor. I arrived late at about 10pm. My view was blocked by another funeral which was attended by a big crowd and I took a long merry-go-round to reach my cousin’s hall. My eldest cousin brother, Daniel and his family were there and the deceased’s family was busy conducting rituals and prayers.

I shared with Daniel that I was feeling uneasy when I walked a merry-go-round since it is surrounded by cemetery and it was a cool night after a heavy rainfall. Adding to it, the place was quiet and when I heard the chanting I know I was near but it also send shivers to my spine! He gave a smile.

We had some time to chat and we shared our memories. It has been 11 years since Pak Pak passed while my dad has been 3 years. I also shared with Daniel that I had a dream last night and saw my dad with Pak Pak. It was strange as in my dream I am conscious that they have passed. I had even joke with Pak Pak that I could see him like a small child playing hide and seek..”I can see yoouuuu…” Pak Pak gave me a big smile…

As we talked, we realized that we both could not or perhaps would not initiate a chat with our own father while we can chat all night long with our uncles’. Daniel talked to my dad like they were good friends while myself with Pak Pak. We both acknowledge that talking to our father took a lot and Daniel claimed that perhaps our expectations and our fathers’ were different. However when we chat with uncles’, it is rather care free…well, maybe. We had a great laugh knowingly we are not alone having such ‘problem’ after all. After an hour, we decided to leave.

As I walked the nearest route to my car, I bypassed the other funeral which blocked my sight earlier on. It was a Christian funeral. People were more joyous and having buffet! The environment was somehow different from the Chinese funeral. I felt warmer and the walk to my car was much ‘easier’.

I recall in one of the documentary on Chinese tradition funeral. It is said that it is good to have family members to cry as loud and as long as possible. Some family would hire a ‘cry-er’ to do the job. The louder the wailing the better the ‘performance’. I was quite taken a back. Imagine if our soul is able to watch – and you find a stranger wailing at our own funeral…Weird?!

I am not here to criticize other’s tradition. We all know that all lives end with death. It is inevitable. Perhaps if we understand death as being part of life, would it be made easier for us to face it then to make it as though it is a situation where it is seen to be ‘unfair’ or a ‘punishment’ or ‘it can only happen to the unfortunate’.

Can we imagine if there is no death? By today, our planet earth would be over-populated with beings. Perhaps there would be no room for birth…and maybe there will be no room for change…

I view death as another beginning of a new chapter. Being in heaven would be so much better than earth since God promised that there’ll be no more tears. With that promise, isn’t death should be celebrated?! For those who are still living, God promised that we shall meet again when the time comes. The dead shall rise and join with those who are on earth…

And do not get me wrong, we cry when there is death and there is no wrong in doing so but we should not 'indulge into the loss' and forget about being alive and those who are still alive... We shall missed them until we meet...And I am sure that my dad n Pak Pak would be pleased to know that we are still sharing good memories of them and remember them, no matter how many years has passed. Overall, I guess it is more important that we treasure our loved ones when they are alive…

A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to
leave the examination room and said,
"Doctor, I am afraid to die.

Tell me what lies on the other side."
Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."
"You don't know? You, a Christian man,
do not know what is on the other side?"

The doctor was holding the handle of the door;
on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,
and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room
and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said,
"Did you notice my dog?
He's never been in this room before.
He didn't know what was inside.
He knew nothing except that his master was here,
and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.
I know little of what is on the other side of death,
but I do know one thing...

I know my Master is there and that is enough."

A tribute to my cousin bro, Pak Pak, Dad, 3rd Pak, Kung Kung, Ye Ye, Ma Ma, 4th sis in law..rest in peace…

Blessings = shame?

My own family is just an average family in terms of size and wealth. Those days we used to have enough and hardly had excess eventhough my grandfather was a well to do businessman. Our most luxurious meal then was Kentucky Fried Chicken. O, I remembered that once my father took us to The Ship to celebrate my mom's birthday. That was 'the once...'

Both my father and my pak pak had the same fate. Both sons were not favoured by my grandfather - for whatever the reasons were. Both did not get much attention nor help in any way. Moreso, my Pak Pak have 8 dependants compared to my family of 4. Both family's wealth was just enough to get by. No matter how hard they had to struggle in providing to their own family my grandfather did not bothered to lift a finger to help them. Despite that fact, both insisted that we, the grandchildren, must never be disrespectful to our grandfather. And both sons never 'ditched' their father in his old days and cleaned him when he was unable. I respect and salute them as filial sons and this I must learn.

Both men struggles did not go in vain. As far as I am concern, my cousins, my brother and myself have made it in our life and we should be able to make it till end if we stay content. We may not be multi millionaire (maybe some of my cousins are or perhaps in future we may be...hehehehe who knows) but we continue to have enough and now some of us can afford more.

Well, some times 'enough' does not have to be the measurement of wealth...Family unity and the tradition of having generations are more important for Chinese family. These values must be embedded to bring honour to our fathers.

At this moment, I may not be able to 'contribute' in terms of adding to the quantity to my family but I thank God that He has blessed me in other forms. With these blessings, I am able to bless my family. I am proud that I am able to afford many things and to share with my family. I am proud that I do not need to depend on others just to ensure my family is provided and also we are able to indulge into some luxurios items.

I do not think that we are being a show off nor being materialistic when we are able to afford luxury. However I should not covet neither be prideful. To me, I trust that by working hard and believing that God hears our prayer would bring blessings to us. And we should not be 'shameful' by these blessings neither should we find explanations to these blessings. Also we should not think it is by luck we have these blessings. We asked from God, we should then claimed them and glorify Him.

Besides, I also believe that at times, when we struggle and that we do not see the results now - it does not conclude that our struggles will go in vain. We may not receive the blessing directly for ourselves but surely there will be. I thank God that both my father and pak pak did not give up nor blame my grandfather. I would think the values that could have instilled in us would have been different should our fathers 'curse' our grandfather then.

I used to think that life were unfair for my father and pak pak because they did not have the chance to enjoy their 'fruits' of labour. They have gone too soon. It was very naive of me...What does the earth has that heaven does not?!

They had laboured for us, their children and we should treasure their struggles and set the same values for our children...never be ashamed of what we have or afford...they are ours when God says they belong to us...Amen!