Love cannot be subsituted

I have wanted to write since a couple of weeks ago. However I knew I wasn’t ready to talk about it. Somehow, I knew the time will come when I am ready-just like it always does.

When I was a young kid and was staying with Pak Pak, I was blessed with many pets. For a start, when my parents sent me after my full month to Pak Pak’s house, he bought a baby turtle (sui yu). I was told he bought it for me. Till date, I don’t know why a sui yi? Anyway, I had never been able to pet the sui yi nor any one, except Pak Pak because it bites your finger off! I heard once a neighbour’s kid puts his hand in the cage and ‘chomp’ ..the finger was gone! I have a feeling that this is just a myth told to prevent me from being funny with the sui yi…Well, you know that often the adults will create a lot of scary stories to teach the young ones…Like one stupid story I heard was, if you lazy to spill out the fruit seeds, the next day you will find a tree on your head! 

Besides the sui yi, Pak Pak also had a lot of fishes (again there was a fish which bite everyone except its owner), tortoise, chicken (more of for our dinner than a pet tho), birds and a dog or at times dogs. I remember the first dog was bitch and black in colour, called Dolly. It was as big as me (I was 3-4 yrs old then) and taller than me when she stands up. I even had a photograph with her. She was loved by Pak Pak…

When I returned home and shifted to Kelana Jaya, I always pleaded with my parents to have a dog. My parents refused. To resort to our ‘itch’ for a pet, my brother and I then often catch some stray cats to play with and feed them, only when my parents were at work. Some days early in the morning my mom would be screaming away to chase away these cats (cause these cats knew that this house provides them food). After such episode, next scream will be targeting at my brother and me. Sigh…

Finally a breakthrough came. My neighbour’s bitch gave birth to a number of puppies. My parents agreed to adopt one of the puppies. My brother and I were so excited and we chose the eldest pup. It was dark brown male with a short tail. My brother gets to name the pup. His name was Ricky. I was 12 years old. Everyday when I returned from school, he was my first priority. Ricky had become more like a family member than a pet to us. My parents loved him like a son while I loved him like a little brother. No matter where we go, when we return, first thing was to look for out him and hug him. 20 hours a day, Ricky would be in the house rather than outside.

12 years passed quickly and Ricky reached its old age. Mom was offered another puppy. My parents decided to take another pup since Ricky was ‘retiring’ from its duty to safe guard our home. Kiwi was named by me because of his fur colour. Kiwi was born in a fruit orchard. During his pup’s years, he loved papaya, honeydew, or any fruits which is sweet except banana. Every morning when mom cuts fruits to prepare for her stall, kiwi gets a piece! 

Our family loved Kiwi as much as Ricky and we taught Kiwi all the tricks we did for Ricky. Perhaps, Ricky helped a little by being a role model for Kiwi, Kiwi learned fast!hahahaha…Kiwi was more mischievous than Ricky. I had a lot of scars on my hands resulting from his playful bites. Kiwi loved to play catch. His eyes can tell you that he is ready for you to catch him – if you can…and when you are ready to give up (you can never outrun a four legged), he will pretend to slow down and drop down for you to ‘catch’ him!  what a dog…he knew how to please people…

One more character of Kiwi was whenever he managed to escape out of the house, he would run for his life. The problem was he didn’t know how dangerous a moving vehicle is even until his last day of his life. Thus, we would be chasing after him and our hearts pounded like crazy whenever he crossed the roads! At times, I just closed my eyes and prayed I won’t hear any crashed…Gosh! Thanked God – Kiwi always successfully avoided accidents. Later, we found that the more we chase after him, the more confident he got and will go further and further. He knew we were right behind him. He also knew that when he is caught and once he reached home, he needs to dash to find cover because it would be canning time! Every time after a good whacking, we will open the gate – he wouldn’t dare to make a move…

But the whacking and pain were only a short memory for him. The next time when the gate was open, he will be back to his old habit again. Sigh…we were so fed up and we just cannot bare to see him crosses the road, we stopped chasing. Amazingly Kiwi did not venture too far when he didn’t see any of us behind him. He returned home after a few pee nearby. This time we shut the gate. He was frantically barking to be allowed in. After a few minutes, we opened the gate and kena whacked kow kow…if I recall correctly, after that incident Kiwi never dared to repeat his old habit..hehehe..we won finally!

Ricky was diagnosed with cancer 6 months after Kiwi was brought home. The Vet advised us to put him to sleep. I remember the last morning Ricky was with us. I went to work with a heavy heart after saying my last goodbye to Ricky. Later that day, my dad took him to the Vet and buried him at my cousin’s fruit orchard. My dad was very upset for one week. For the rest of the family, we felt sad but the pain was gone easily because Kiwi was with us. But not for my dad, and I could understand why he was so bitter about the loss for so long.

About a month ago, Kiwi lost a lot of weight and wasn’t eating well. We took him to the vet and were told he had a kidney failure. We were advised to admit him immediately to do away the toxin which was accumulating in his body. The vet mentioned that kidney failure is a norm for old dogs. With special diets and dialysis, Kiwi should be ok.

Not like Ricky, Kiwi had never spent a nite out side my house before. We did not have a choice and admitted him. Little did we know, that was his last day with us. The next morning we were informed that Kiwi did not survive. ..I was heartbroken because I was shocked by the news…I could not accept the fact for many days. I could not even mention that he was gone. This time, I truly understand how my dad felt when we lost Ricky.



Kiwi had been with us for 10 years. We were amazingly touched when we felt that he was grieving with us when my dad passed away in 2006. When my brother got married, Kiwi insisted to have a photo with my brother and his wife during tea ceremony…how? Kiwi just refused to barge in the center of my living room where the couple was serving tea! Once a photo was taken, he slowly walked away…he was not jus a dog but again a family member!

Every morning when I wake up, I feel some thing is not complete. It has been 22 years we have a dog. Many occasions, my friends asked me to adopt another pup. This time, I am reluctant. I am still missing Kiwi.

I was thinking what title I should put when I decided to write. Suddenly, “Love cannot be substituted” pop up. Well, I am not just referring to my love for my pets but rather for all those whom I am fond of. In 30 years of my life, I have lost quite a number of my family members. When I looked back, nothing so far was able to replace them in my life. Each of them has a special place in my heart. Even some day when I am in love or being married, the love I have for my loved ones is irreplaceable.

If I am just a human being who is created in His image has this concept in my life, our Father in heaven’s love is even much greater. He has even given His Son’s life for us in the name of Love. This proves His love for us is irreplaceable. Even right now, Jesus is with Him with all the angels, His love for us is still the same yesterday, today and forever. Nothing can change His love for us.

I am blessed to be loved by Him. I am blessed to have my family members who loved me. I am blessed to have friends. I am blessed to have Ricky and Kiwi to love. They have all contributed in my life and they have a special place in my heart forever. Remember, He loves us dearly...

When you least expected..

You know, our God often works in a most mysterious way..especially when you least expected, you will be surprised!

Never say never. When I was younger, I remember many occasions had thought me well - not to be 'extreme' nor be stubborn with my decision/statement/choice.

I 'vowed' not to be a SALES personnel. I took up accounting degree and ensure that I would be the someone who will work backroom. I do not like (still do not) sales personnel to tail me when I do my shopping until I need them... Behold, I build my career via sales and now I am coaching many others to do the same. I do not think I can settle with a backroom job, at least for now. In addition, I tailed others when they were 'shopping'....hmmm...mmmm

During my primary years, as usual we always have our own group of friends and we also have a few people that we dislike very much...O, come one, let's be real.. We got our gang and others got their own gang and we would be comparing with each other..whether for beauty, for stickers, for autograph book, for guys, for whatever. Once again, in the least expectation, I am now befriending my primary school 'enemy' for the last 14 years. I was her bridesmaid even! I confessed to her that I 'hated' her very much then...didn't know for what reason, just simply didn't like her face...hahaha..seriously, I cannot explained why and how I started playing with her but our friendship happened so naturally and it has been stronger over the years...

When I was a baby Christian, my perception of a pastor was that he/she should be a 'perfect' person while a church is a sanctuary, where the saints are jolly and holy people. Back then, I cannot understand why some speakers stressing that we, Christian should not be hypocrites and I also noted the Bible warn the same. Christians are happy people. They pray for everyone even they don't know you. Pastor is always be the best person for anyone. What do they mean by hypocrites..

A few years later, I was exposed to the truth. Things turned ugly. The 'saints' blamed the Pastor for various accusations during a service in the church! I was shocked to see how angry and the words that the people hurled against the pastor. I was also very concern on those guests who walked in or being invited to hear the word of God. What would be in their mind? Christians = hypocrites...The ugly scene went on for an hour before we prayed and departed. Can you believe it? We prayed!

As soon as I walked out of the place where I was 'born again', my tears flowed uncontrollably. My 'perfect sanctuary breaking into pieces.' How could this happened? Why must I be there at that time to hear all those ugly things? I usually don't attend midweek service but this time when I took the effort, all hell break loose. Soon enough, the church split. I prayed that the real truth to be exposed and to reunite the church.

It didn't happen. Along the way, I begin to understand the message. Christians are not perfect people. Pastors are not angels. Church is just a building. Jesus is perfect. Christianity = MY personal relationship with God, nothing to do with other human being. When our brother/sister or even pastor/bishop/elder makes mistake, we need to pray for his/her repentance not for revenge. Everyone makes mistake, therefore we need Jesus, whom God sent to die for us, sinners.

Leaving a church is not equivalent leaving our relationship with God. God has a plan for everyone. He knows where, when, how, why and what for us.

The only sanctuary we have where there will be no more tears, disease, sickness, etc is HEAVEN. When we, Christian, comes together, it is not about how many pax to determine how holy is the gathering or what type of building we must have, then only God will be with us. It's all about our hearts. God touches those who are faithful - I have seen mighty man cry when he is touched. It's Amazing Love that God is filling into our hearts to 'melt' us.

The more we think we are smart or we are so determined that our decision is unchallenge or we start to depend on our own or another human being or we start to be materialistic ie chasing after money and fogetting the Provider, holding on to our treasures tightly, chasing after fame etc - God will turn things around when you least expected it...

In short, God is God. You cannot outsmart His Majesty. We need Him. He wants us for Himself . He wants us to talk to Him. He wants us to depend on Him because He is our Father. He wants us to have faith that ALL THINGS IS POSSIBLE when He says "It is done, my child!"

Let's allow Him to guide us...

Problems

I have learned a valuable lesson today. When one shares about Christianity, it is not that being one makes our life easier nor will have lesser problems. Indeed by choosing to be one, it adds on more problems... Problems occur in our life. Even our Lord went thorugh many of them when He came 2000 over years ago.

A brother at church shared that problems:-
1. occur to direct us
2. occur to protect us
3. occur to make us stronger
4. occur to change us and to give us another chance

To direct us - the day when I started my first job, I had high hopes and dreams of what I can do and what I can become because it was a new set up company. I worked with a person whom I regarded as my big brother. From scratch, we eventually managed to build a solid foundation but things did not turn out the way I thought...I walked away with a painful heart not because I quit but because I have lost the friendship as well..

Today, I looked back..I thanked God that He has directed me away because for the last 9 years, I have learned even much more n have helped many to build their dream house...I have met many valuable individuals and some have even became my soulmates..I am not angry with 'big brother' n I hope he is well...

To protect us - i, myself have yet to experience on this factor...but i would not doubt that some times there are challenges that may have delayed us and evetually have protected us from some mishap

To make us stronger - by 12 years of age, i went through the deaths of my grandma and both granpas. it hurts. it did not stop..10 years later, my uncle whom was my pillar of life, left in a sudden..my world crashed..7 years later, when the doctor broke the news that my father had 4th stage of cancer (i was alone in the hospital),i was stronger..i was calm, able to be strong for my dad & mom, made many decisions that i never knew that i would have to..I looked back, somehow i feel it is His plan...both my uncle's family and my own are closer than we ever been..we pray for each other, we support each other, we loved one another, we are united in His name!

to change us and give us a 2nd chance - i don't like to study..i hated homeworks..my academic result from primary to Form 3 trials sucks..before SRP, my dad barred me from going anywhere during weekends including church..i pleaded just to allow me for an hour to attend church. my dad reluctantly agreed. my SRP result was ok..then i lacked in my studies again...every results was so-so..when STPM results were out, 99% of my mates got accepted into university except myself. I was embarrassed and I was left out...my chance in getting a degree is slim because I am from an average income family and could not afford twinning programmes..I ended in TAR college, i strived to obtain my CIMA...His plan was great..I was the 1st batch in TARC to be sent to Sheffield, UK for 'sandwich' degree and at that time my dad got his EPF and was able to support me...

Some times it doesn't make sense for the things that are happening around us...turn to God..He has all the answers..now, all we need is His grace..Amen!

Turning back the clock..No No No!

As usual, CNY period are the days where we often gather with our family, relatives and friends. We would share those memories and the expriences that we went through for the past 364 days and believe it or not being Asian, we would try to outdo each other on whose life is worse.

Example, "Wa, you don't believe how much I have went through......" says one relative. The other would reply " No No no, if you have been in MY shoes, you would know that I had been to 'hell' and return..." or "My son a, he a, very forgetful....your son very goood..." while the other will reply "No, you don't know, your son consider filial, my one a..aiyo, I also don't bother much...."

Gosh, simply nothing better to say. Why can't we learn to share good news and fun times when we meet rather than conversation which are meaningless but pure gossips...I surely hope I would not be sucked into these kinda conversation...I HOPE...;p

Besides the above, we would also remember our loved ones who had passed on. Looking back, we shared and laughed about the habits and the way they had lived. I strongly agreed that in celebration like these, we should talk about our loved ones whom had passed. In this manner, the younger ones get to know a little and we remember that they, played a part in our lives.

Sometimes when I am alone and with the radio playing the oldies (not too long ago songs..ehem..:p) the memories of the past just flash through my mind. I received a comment from a friend. She is suprised how I could remember stuff back when I was 5 years old. Yup, I do. I remember how I like to suck my bottle even when I was 5...hehehehe....and also of cos some experiences during my primary, secondary, 6th form, college, uni days etc.

I guess the expriences we go through whether good or bad, they shape our lives and how we turn out today. At times, we did not have choice of certain situations that happened, we made mistakes, we laughed, we cried, we yelled, we learned, we prayed, we smiled, we loved, we fought, we chuckled etc...Whatever it is, we are growing up and moving from one stage of life to another.

If there is a wish to turn back the clock, NO would be my definate answer. Not that my life have been sucked. There were many many great times in the past. However, I am glad I have been through it all and I am more eager to look FORWARD and store up more memories, learn more about life, laugh even more and share loads to many others including to those I have yet to meet...I guess this is far more exciting than turning back!

With God, it doesn't matter how many more years but making the years be meaningful to ourselves and to others should be our goal. God has given the law of gravity. Anything that goes up, will come down and things that went down shall go up!Nothing in life is too difficult only if we trust in Him...Have a great year and moving on!!! :)

One error, it is enough...

Some time in late 1800s, 2 best friends took a risk and left their comforting home in China to make a quick buck in SEA.

They used everything they had saved and with their family's blessing, off they went with high hopes. Life at the beginning was not as good as they thought. With their commitment to make a better living for their family in China, they did anything and everything. Very soon hardwork payoff. These 2 best friends had improved their status.

At that time, tin mining was the hype of the economy in Malaya. Once again, these 2 best friends gave everything they had worked for and bought a tin mine in Perak. They were exhilirated because they knew this time, they are going to make it big!

The day came when they need to register for the purchase but one of them were unable to make it for some reasons. One of them continued with the process while pending the other because he needed to return to China soonest. He gave his name to the malay clerk as Wong Ming Yew. He then left Malaya and promised to return soonest.

After several months settling his matters in China, Wong Ming Yew returned to Perak, Malaya and looked forward to build the tin mine business with his best friend. However, this hope had turned into his worst nightmare in his life. His best friend took on a new name as Ming Yew and owned the entire tin mine because the clerk made AN ERROR and registered Ming Yew as the only owner for the said purchased.

Ming Yew found no meaning to fight nor argue on what had been done. He went back to China as a broken man and never returned to Malaya...(to be continued)

Life and Death Should be celebrated...

A week ago, we welcomed our newborn family member. She is our first new generation in our family. My family is overjoyed. My dad would have been exhilarated if he is here to share the news. This I am sure.

A few days as we were still excited over Azalea’s birth, we were shocked and saddened with the passed of our cousin. I still remember him when he attended my brother’s wedding early of the year. He was a nice chap and respected my parents. He never failed to visit them every CNY except this year and he also visited my dad when he was ill.

One thing about my generation of Wong, we have been thought well to respect our elders and no question about it. He would be the first to pass from my generation of Wong’s.

I attended the wake by myself because according to Chinese tradition, my family are in ‘celebration’ of life while funeral is the opposite and both occasions should not be ‘combined’ (“chung”). I find it very absurd and upset with such tradition.

The funeral was held at a parlor. I arrived late at about 10pm. My view was blocked by another funeral which was attended by a big crowd and I took a long merry-go-round to reach my cousin’s hall. My eldest cousin brother, Daniel and his family were there and the deceased’s family was busy conducting rituals and prayers.

I shared with Daniel that I was feeling uneasy when I walked a merry-go-round since it is surrounded by cemetery and it was a cool night after a heavy rainfall. Adding to it, the place was quiet and when I heard the chanting I know I was near but it also send shivers to my spine! He gave a smile.

We had some time to chat and we shared our memories. It has been 11 years since Pak Pak passed while my dad has been 3 years. I also shared with Daniel that I had a dream last night and saw my dad with Pak Pak. It was strange as in my dream I am conscious that they have passed. I had even joke with Pak Pak that I could see him like a small child playing hide and seek..”I can see yoouuuu…” Pak Pak gave me a big smile…

As we talked, we realized that we both could not or perhaps would not initiate a chat with our own father while we can chat all night long with our uncles’. Daniel talked to my dad like they were good friends while myself with Pak Pak. We both acknowledge that talking to our father took a lot and Daniel claimed that perhaps our expectations and our fathers’ were different. However when we chat with uncles’, it is rather care free…well, maybe. We had a great laugh knowingly we are not alone having such ‘problem’ after all. After an hour, we decided to leave.

As I walked the nearest route to my car, I bypassed the other funeral which blocked my sight earlier on. It was a Christian funeral. People were more joyous and having buffet! The environment was somehow different from the Chinese funeral. I felt warmer and the walk to my car was much ‘easier’.

I recall in one of the documentary on Chinese tradition funeral. It is said that it is good to have family members to cry as loud and as long as possible. Some family would hire a ‘cry-er’ to do the job. The louder the wailing the better the ‘performance’. I was quite taken a back. Imagine if our soul is able to watch – and you find a stranger wailing at our own funeral…Weird?!

I am not here to criticize other’s tradition. We all know that all lives end with death. It is inevitable. Perhaps if we understand death as being part of life, would it be made easier for us to face it then to make it as though it is a situation where it is seen to be ‘unfair’ or a ‘punishment’ or ‘it can only happen to the unfortunate’.

Can we imagine if there is no death? By today, our planet earth would be over-populated with beings. Perhaps there would be no room for birth…and maybe there will be no room for change…

I view death as another beginning of a new chapter. Being in heaven would be so much better than earth since God promised that there’ll be no more tears. With that promise, isn’t death should be celebrated?! For those who are still living, God promised that we shall meet again when the time comes. The dead shall rise and join with those who are on earth…

And do not get me wrong, we cry when there is death and there is no wrong in doing so but we should not 'indulge into the loss' and forget about being alive and those who are still alive... We shall missed them until we meet...And I am sure that my dad n Pak Pak would be pleased to know that we are still sharing good memories of them and remember them, no matter how many years has passed. Overall, I guess it is more important that we treasure our loved ones when they are alive…

A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to
leave the examination room and said,
"Doctor, I am afraid to die.

Tell me what lies on the other side."
Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."
"You don't know? You, a Christian man,
do not know what is on the other side?"

The doctor was holding the handle of the door;
on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,
and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room
and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said,
"Did you notice my dog?
He's never been in this room before.
He didn't know what was inside.
He knew nothing except that his master was here,
and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.
I know little of what is on the other side of death,
but I do know one thing...

I know my Master is there and that is enough."

A tribute to my cousin bro, Pak Pak, Dad, 3rd Pak, Kung Kung, Ye Ye, Ma Ma, 4th sis in law..rest in peace…

Blessings = shame?

My own family is just an average family in terms of size and wealth. Those days we used to have enough and hardly had excess eventhough my grandfather was a well to do businessman. Our most luxurious meal then was Kentucky Fried Chicken. O, I remembered that once my father took us to The Ship to celebrate my mom's birthday. That was 'the once...'

Both my father and my pak pak had the same fate. Both sons were not favoured by my grandfather - for whatever the reasons were. Both did not get much attention nor help in any way. Moreso, my Pak Pak have 8 dependants compared to my family of 4. Both family's wealth was just enough to get by. No matter how hard they had to struggle in providing to their own family my grandfather did not bothered to lift a finger to help them. Despite that fact, both insisted that we, the grandchildren, must never be disrespectful to our grandfather. And both sons never 'ditched' their father in his old days and cleaned him when he was unable. I respect and salute them as filial sons and this I must learn.

Both men struggles did not go in vain. As far as I am concern, my cousins, my brother and myself have made it in our life and we should be able to make it till end if we stay content. We may not be multi millionaire (maybe some of my cousins are or perhaps in future we may be...hehehehe who knows) but we continue to have enough and now some of us can afford more.

Well, some times 'enough' does not have to be the measurement of wealth...Family unity and the tradition of having generations are more important for Chinese family. These values must be embedded to bring honour to our fathers.

At this moment, I may not be able to 'contribute' in terms of adding to the quantity to my family but I thank God that He has blessed me in other forms. With these blessings, I am able to bless my family. I am proud that I am able to afford many things and to share with my family. I am proud that I do not need to depend on others just to ensure my family is provided and also we are able to indulge into some luxurios items.

I do not think that we are being a show off nor being materialistic when we are able to afford luxury. However I should not covet neither be prideful. To me, I trust that by working hard and believing that God hears our prayer would bring blessings to us. And we should not be 'shameful' by these blessings neither should we find explanations to these blessings. Also we should not think it is by luck we have these blessings. We asked from God, we should then claimed them and glorify Him.

Besides, I also believe that at times, when we struggle and that we do not see the results now - it does not conclude that our struggles will go in vain. We may not receive the blessing directly for ourselves but surely there will be. I thank God that both my father and pak pak did not give up nor blame my grandfather. I would think the values that could have instilled in us would have been different should our fathers 'curse' our grandfather then.

I used to think that life were unfair for my father and pak pak because they did not have the chance to enjoy their 'fruits' of labour. They have gone too soon. It was very naive of me...What does the earth has that heaven does not?!

They had laboured for us, their children and we should treasure their struggles and set the same values for our children...never be ashamed of what we have or afford...they are ours when God says they belong to us...Amen!