Last Friday was a day where things just did not turn out to be the way which I thought they should be…
A “hope” which I have been fighting and made believe that it will be materialized soon would suddenly turned to be a dead end…bringing such news to a friend who trusted in me is simply terrible! I admit that I was not strong enough to tell her verbally and sent a sms instead…every words typed were like cuts to the heart …the pain while waiting for the reply was like an open wound…it came and although the bad news was well received, I was still shameful for this “defeat”! I was so sure that I will have it but…
While trying to accept this defeat, the young ones whom I have so much hope in them turned ‘ugly’ and naïve…a simple decision to make and they made it complicated…worst, none admitted their own immature thinking…I am thinking would my plans for them would be another bad choice after all…I was lost!!!
That day was not merciful…before I left office to attend a customer’s dinner, I was informed that my fellow southern “comrade’s” mother passed away after 2 months of suffering from stomach cancer…I sms to send my deepest condolences and my support for her and family…she thanked me and ended the sms with these words “I am heading to spore to get her…very sad”…my heart instantly broke…
At the dinner, though the whole team turned up…I hardly have the taste for the lobsters and oysters…tried so hard to control my drink…but each glass I gulped actually lessen the pain and took away my thoughts…4 glasses quickly became 5 then 6 then 7 and I lost count…after the final glass I started to tear and I could hardly opened my eyes…I was chauffeur to the toilet…then to my car and finally after all the commotion, I ended in my colleague’s house…throughout I vomited uncontrollably…I also heard a lot of voices..”Carry her…” “Why? We r here with you”…”don’t be a silly girl”…”It’s OK we r with you..”…”Let her rest..”…”take her home”…I was even more confused then but…One voice was clear…”Be strong for the Lord is with you”
I managed to get up and got home in the middle of the night…I had a busy and packed Saturday so that I won’t have time to think about Friday’s episodes…I woke up at 1030 and ran my errands, had tea with my best pal, went to hike TTDI’s forest reserved and finally to the Vienna Operetta Orchestra…I immediately ‘dropped dead’ when I reached home at 130am.
At church today, it was my turn to be in charged of the chorus board…as we sang, I was asking for healing…tears still streamed down as I was so heartbroken about the news which I had to break…then during the service, Pastor spoke “we often cry for our loss instead of our sin” …made me realized that I did not turn to Him when things got ugly but had opted for the drinks and even with that I am still not repenting for being drunk instead crying out to God about my defeat! How stupid I am?! I walked up to the altar, asked for forgiveness and prayed…Pastor prayed with me…
I know that - the Altar is the place to be and God is the answer…I am assured that there will be a new beginning in any and every of the situations which we think that they are ended…and I need to learn to be patient…He has promised! Amen...
“Turn to us Lord and touch us; Make us strong in Your might; Overcome our weakness, that we could stand up and fight…”
A “hope” which I have been fighting and made believe that it will be materialized soon would suddenly turned to be a dead end…bringing such news to a friend who trusted in me is simply terrible! I admit that I was not strong enough to tell her verbally and sent a sms instead…every words typed were like cuts to the heart …the pain while waiting for the reply was like an open wound…it came and although the bad news was well received, I was still shameful for this “defeat”! I was so sure that I will have it but…
While trying to accept this defeat, the young ones whom I have so much hope in them turned ‘ugly’ and naïve…a simple decision to make and they made it complicated…worst, none admitted their own immature thinking…I am thinking would my plans for them would be another bad choice after all…I was lost!!!
That day was not merciful…before I left office to attend a customer’s dinner, I was informed that my fellow southern “comrade’s” mother passed away after 2 months of suffering from stomach cancer…I sms to send my deepest condolences and my support for her and family…she thanked me and ended the sms with these words “I am heading to spore to get her…very sad”…my heart instantly broke…
At the dinner, though the whole team turned up…I hardly have the taste for the lobsters and oysters…tried so hard to control my drink…but each glass I gulped actually lessen the pain and took away my thoughts…4 glasses quickly became 5 then 6 then 7 and I lost count…after the final glass I started to tear and I could hardly opened my eyes…I was chauffeur to the toilet…then to my car and finally after all the commotion, I ended in my colleague’s house…throughout I vomited uncontrollably…I also heard a lot of voices..”Carry her…” “Why? We r here with you”…”don’t be a silly girl”…”It’s OK we r with you..”…”Let her rest..”…”take her home”…I was even more confused then but…One voice was clear…”Be strong for the Lord is with you”
I managed to get up and got home in the middle of the night…I had a busy and packed Saturday so that I won’t have time to think about Friday’s episodes…I woke up at 1030 and ran my errands, had tea with my best pal, went to hike TTDI’s forest reserved and finally to the Vienna Operetta Orchestra…I immediately ‘dropped dead’ when I reached home at 130am.
At church today, it was my turn to be in charged of the chorus board…as we sang, I was asking for healing…tears still streamed down as I was so heartbroken about the news which I had to break…then during the service, Pastor spoke “we often cry for our loss instead of our sin” …made me realized that I did not turn to Him when things got ugly but had opted for the drinks and even with that I am still not repenting for being drunk instead crying out to God about my defeat! How stupid I am?! I walked up to the altar, asked for forgiveness and prayed…Pastor prayed with me…
I know that - the Altar is the place to be and God is the answer…I am assured that there will be a new beginning in any and every of the situations which we think that they are ended…and I need to learn to be patient…He has promised! Amen...
“Turn to us Lord and touch us; Make us strong in Your might; Overcome our weakness, that we could stand up and fight…”
No comments:
Post a Comment