Knowing, Believing, Trusting & Faith

A few months ago, I started to chair my church service. Being behind the pulpit makes me shiver eventhough I have done these for some times.

Preparation is easy. To find a topic for sharing, to speak and to pray in front of every member, I find it most difficult. No matter how much I have prepared and written on my paper on that day, my voice could be heard shaking. To encourage me, my cousin always gave me a pat on my back at the end of the session. Still, it didn't help much.

I was away for 2 weeks in October. While boarding the 16 hours flight, I thought to myself, it was time to quit. I had also been thinking hard what to say to the elders so that they won't have any rooms to hold me back from quiting. Adamant with my decision, all I was waiting was timing.

When I returned, immediately the next weekend I headed to PD with mom for church camp. I was super relief to find out that I was not involved in any of the sessions. Phew...and yahoo!!! The camp was great until the last session before we depart for KL. We were asked to share on our camp experience. When mom gave her testimony, I got a shock!She has an aspiration for me and openly shared with everyone...something I would not dare to dream...

What she said, bothered me a lot until I lost track of my plan when to break the news to the elders. Soon I got my notification to chair another church service. 4 words appeared in my mind - Know, Believe, Trust & Faith. Seems that they have almost similar meaning.

What to share on these 4 words? What do they actually mean? I googled them. To cut things short, know is with a fact, believe is something you convince yourself with/without a fact, trust is something stronger than believing - it helps you to have an easier life (when you trust someone, you would not spend time to check on him/her) and lastly faith - is something which is unseen and yet you believe. Usually when you trust someone, you have the faith in him/her.

Simply this statement came into my mind, you know there is an existence of God, you may or may not believe in Him. Even when you know and believe there is a God, you may not trust Him and/or have faith that He listens to you or answers your prayer. Thus these 4 words have their own meanings.

One night unsually I logged on to FB early of the night. I saw my cousin in Perth was online (also unsual). We chat. Finally, I shared with her that I decided to quit chairing service. She asked why. Simply I told her I am unfit as I am not a savvy person in bible plus my 'public speaking' sucks! Also I do not spend as much time as others in church activities and my involvement is negligible. She continued to probe me especially why does my voice shakes when I am behind the pulpit. I explained "It is because I am such a young fella sharing God's words to those who are so senior and some are intellectuals in theology, some are on fire for God...made me feel so small... :( "

She said "Stop". She then said "Didn't you know that God often use those who thinks they are insignificant to do His works? Read the bible"..."You knew that. Why aren't you believing that He is using you to speak to those who are in need to hear. Have trust and faith in Him that you will be able to handle this well. Stop thinking of quiting. Start believing"

Often we know what to say how to say. However, we also often think that what we say only applies to others and not for ourselves. What my cousin said is true for all of us. God never looked down on us eventhough we have our own shortfalls. He never wanted us to feel small either. When we do, we are belittling His creation.

Whatever we are going through now, whether it is a tough experience, a bad experience, a cross road - it has been arranged. It is up to us to decide whether we would want to believe that we can get through it and have the trust & faith in Him!Now, I need to practise more... :)