It's November!

It’s the time of the year when we used to be so broke continuously until we received our bonus in March or April the following year…only if we have bonus…sigh. Well, it’s not yet Christmas though...it’s November! Nope, we don’t celebrate early Christmas…we celebrate birthdays…

Yes, every November month, we have birthdays to celebrate! Starting with Yip on 7th…then myself on 13th, SAL on 21st and KSL on 27th…if you noticed our birthday are 7-8 days apart i.e. a week…A few years ago, we were still junior officers and with our income then, having dinner at Chilli’s or TGIF would be luxurious…

Well, we must confess that we girls were a little selfish (WMC, SAL and KSL)...for Yip’s birthday we will just settled with him a piece of cake and our wishes from the bottom of our heart…when it comes to ours…boy, we had the most fantastic dinners which can cause a big ‘hole’ to our wallet and pressies as well…we were in debts by end of Nov and we didn’t care as we know we can use our bonus to cover the ‘hole’ later…how spoilt we were?!

The first year when we found out that our birthday is a week apart, we celebrated 3 times…each week, we had different luxurious restaurant to spoil ourselves…phew! We realized soon that the ‘hole’ was too big for us…we then learned to combined our 3 celebrations into one mega celebration! Second year onward, we did just that…but the ‘hole’ in our wallet did not really shrink…we spent on other things...hahaha...

I remember well for one year, we had our celebration with Yew at the Hardrock Café Restaurant…we had great nite out…when we left the restaurant, it was pouring…to get to the carpark, we had to cross over the swimming pool area where there is no shelter…as we walked back to the carpark, myself and SAL brave the rain to reach our car and we were wet! But then we did not realize that KSL and Yew weren’t behind us…we waited for 15mins and no sight of them…finally they turned up and told us they explored an alternate route via the kitchen and they were almost being locked out….hahaha…after all their adventure, they were still wet like us!

The following day, we had made plans to visit Meleka and SAL’s hometown in Rembau…Because of the rain, SAL was down with a flu, KSL and myself were down with fever…yet, we still go ahead with the trip…Yew was the driver and he was fine…sigh…throughout the journey to Melaka, we slept…our first stop was A Famosa…the place didn’t excite us…probably because we were so sick and no mood…we took an ice cream despite that of our fever to cheer ourselves up but didn’t really work… :(

By nite, we had dinner at the Portugese’s settlement…had seafood and baked crab…could hardly taste the food…finally, we send KSL to her parent’s home and we moved on SAL’s home in Rembau…we slept in the hall together…I popped in a panadol, SAL popped in a flu pill and we went silent within 1-2 minutes…My guess was KSL popped in pills as well just like us too…suddenly, myself and SAL were awaken in the middle of the nite by Yew’s snoring…gosh, it was like a train charging down the track…we decided to abandon him in the hall and slept in the room…hahahaha…this is how we treated a friend!

Depsite we were so sick, we still 'die die' made the trip and at the end, we needed medication...this was how 'powderful' we were!

Why did I mention that we were broke from Nov till March?! Well, the spending spree wasn’t just to cater for our birthdays…Nov – Jan are the best months for weddings and those years most of our colleagues and friends were going thru ‘tow fa wan’ (cherry blossom years – “the in love period”) one after another was getting married like a ‘contagious disease’…then we have Christmas which we just can’t hold ourselves back from buying pressies for our loved ones and friends…then comes the CNY’s shopping spree and ang pows for our elders…so, those 4 months we practically digging and digging ‘hole’ to our wallet…sigh…

But no matter how bad our debts were…we had fun and we had the best time with each other…now that we can afford good dinners, many good nights out and fantastic pressies…we do not have the opportunity to do such ‘powderful’ things again…SAL is now happily married with a kid and one more on the way soon J …KSL is in Melbourne with her darling and Yew...hardly hear from him except recently he invited myself for his wedding…Myself? I am happy with where I am and also still very in touch with my good pals…as well as I found new friends…a beginning of a new chapter…

Well, I hear a lot from people that they want to save money for this and that…and up to the point whereby they keep away from outings or spoiling themselves once in a while…but when you miss the opportunity of having fun…you just missed it! In no way the money we managed to save can bring back the chance of having a great time with friends...things just keep on happening and we just don’t know where, when or what we will end up with…how much money do we think is enough? This question I guess many would not have an answer as it changes often than not…Probably the question should be how many chance I want to miss for having a good time which I deserve!

Happy birthday to Yip, SAL, KSL, Estee, Kim, YSC …Blessed Marriage to Yew, Jack, William...

At the Altar...

Last Friday was a day where things just did not turn out to be the way which I thought they should be…

A “hope” which I have been fighting and made believe that it will be materialized soon would suddenly turned to be a dead end…bringing such news to a friend who trusted in me is simply terrible! I admit that I was not strong enough to tell her verbally and sent a sms instead…every words typed were like cuts to the heart …the pain while waiting for the reply was like an open wound…it came and although the bad news was well received, I was still shameful for this “defeat”! I was so sure that I will have it but…

While trying to accept this defeat, the young ones whom I have so much hope in them turned ‘ugly’ and naïve…a simple decision to make and they made it complicated…worst, none admitted their own immature thinking…I am thinking would my plans for them would be another bad choice after all…I was lost!!!

That day was not merciful…before I left office to attend a customer’s dinner, I was informed that my fellow southern “comrade’s” mother passed away after 2 months of suffering from stomach cancer…I sms to send my deepest condolences and my support for her and family…she thanked me and ended the sms with these words “I am heading to spore to get her…very sad”…my heart instantly broke…

At the dinner, though the whole team turned up…I hardly have the taste for the lobsters and oysters…tried so hard to control my drink…but each glass I gulped actually lessen the pain and took away my thoughts…4 glasses quickly became 5 then 6 then 7 and I lost count…after the final glass I started to tear and I could hardly opened my eyes…I was chauffeur to the toilet…then to my car and finally after all the commotion, I ended in my colleague’s house…throughout I vomited uncontrollably…I also heard a lot of voices..”Carry her…” “Why? We r here with you”…”don’t be a silly girl”…”It’s OK we r with you..”…”Let her rest..”…”take her home”…I was even more confused then but…One voice was clear…”Be strong for the Lord is with you”

I managed to get up and got home in the middle of the night…I had a busy and packed Saturday so that I won’t have time to think about Friday’s episodes…I woke up at 1030 and ran my errands, had tea with my best pal, went to hike TTDI’s forest reserved and finally to the Vienna Operetta Orchestra…I immediately ‘dropped dead’ when I reached home at 130am.

At church today, it was my turn to be in charged of the chorus board…as we sang, I was asking for healing…tears still streamed down as I was so heartbroken about the news which I had to break…then during the service, Pastor spoke “we often cry for our loss instead of our sin” …made me realized that I did not turn to Him when things got ugly but had opted for the drinks and even with that I am still not repenting for being drunk instead crying out to God about my defeat! How stupid I am?! I walked up to the altar, asked for forgiveness and prayed…Pastor prayed with me…

I know that - the Altar is the place to be and God is the answer…I am assured that there will be a new beginning in any and every of the situations which we think that they are ended…and I need to learn to be patient…He has promised! Amen...

“Turn to us Lord and touch us; Make us strong in Your might; Overcome our weakness, that we could stand up and fight…”

Tracking...

Well, it has been a while since I update the blog. Firstly, I am so touched to receive the comments from my friends and my family on my blog on “A tribute to the man who cried for me...”. Thanks!

Oct is coming to an end. Today we are celebrating Deepavali and it is nice to have a break!

Last weekend, a group of us headed to Cameron Highlands for a night stay. The last time I have been there were about 2-3 years ago. Nothing much has changed. However one thing which is quite obvious was the temperature, it was not as low as before. Sigh…we humans are terrible...we opt for development over protecting the nature…

The whole trip was “Awesome” as Kennedy puts it...but I particularly enjoyed the jungle tracking most. We started the track at about 430pm on the day we arrived...we were enthusiastic about this and frankly, none of us have been through this track in Cameron before…so, we don’t know where or what is ahead of us neither where’s the end...we played by ear and just walked...hopefully to see an end…

I was amazed to have the girls like Lisa, Louisa & Tze Yin whom are those who prefer beauty over adventure were as sporting as us…also Kar Mun whom hurt her knees when she returned from Italy a couple of weeks ago...still hanging tough and followed us closely behind…I am also proud of Jeff and David for staying behind with Kar Mun although they can choose not to!

The track seems to be unexplored for some time and we didn’t see anyone joining us on the track...it was just the 12 of us as we walked down hill…it was thrilling! The track was slippery, muddy and challenging…we have to climb over or squeeze through the fallen trunks...we also came across some small water falls along the way...some of us slipped and fell along the way…half way through, it poured heavily and we still continued on…the rain then stopped…before we get dry, it poured again..(it was more than a decade since I enjoyed myself in the rain!) Great sceneries were spotted along the way…they were breathtaking views…Awesome God’s creations…

After an hour plus, 11 of us decided to turn back since we were unsure how far to go neither will there be an end! Kennedy was the odd one out and suggested that we take a cab when we reach foothill…a cab in Cameron?? Nah!!!

We managed to reach our base about 630pm..one word describes our feeling then...EXHAUSTED! The following day, most of our legs were aching…but none regretted the tracking! We can’t stopped sharing the feelings that we had when we were on the track...we laughed, we knew the experiences we had was worth the while though it was tough!!! We hope to do it again someday soon…

This track has further reminded me about one’s life…God never promised us that our life would be an easy path…remember when we were born, we cried out loud! Life is definitely an ‘adventure’ for us...none of us would know what is ahead neither the end…there will be times that we need to climb over challenges, squeeze through the ‘difficulties’, surprises, exhausted, slip and fall…pain for loss, enjoyment of successes, feeling of joy and love from the people surrounding us…All these will be part of us…

Aileen’s father was hospitalized a month ago from a fall...he was in coma. The 1st time I saw him in ICU, the sight was similar to 10 years ago when Marcos was lying in Assunta. We did not give up and trusted God for miracle. I told myself, it didn’t matter what had happened 10 years ago...he will be a testimony for his family...God is merciful, he woke up in a couple of days and after a month plus he is now at home, recovering! Hallelujah…praise God!

Mom’s second check-up was encouraging...her white blood cells count is improving and I believe the next check-up would be the last for God will completely heal her!!! Amen…Jaycy’s received good news from her doc that her growth on her breast is non cancerous!! Praise God...Amen…

Many said we are heading into “great depression” as our global economy is in turmoil…some of us are loosing quite a fair bit in our investments and we are already complaining and worrying so much…but come to think of it, we should look at those whom have lost their job because of this economic crisis...those whom have to cut their food intake to ensure they can survive through this challenging times…those whom are unable to handle this crisis pressure and take their own life…I must say that we at times should look at things in a wider perspective rather selfishly and blame everyone for our own self lost!

Life is definitely a challenging one…and I know that I must rely on God to get through it…no matter how tough or impossible or how painful it can be...He will ensure that I will be able to overcome and be strong! The path maybe winding, muddy, slippery, seems to have no end but the day when I am called home, I can say “I am exhausted but I have no regrets in this journey…”

A tribute to the man who cried for me...

Oct 2008 will be a decade since Ah Pak went away to be with the Lord...how time has passed. However every memory of him is still fresh in my mind and I am not intending to loose them.

I was 'baby-sitted' by my father's elder brother and his wife when I was 1 month old. I came back to join my own family when I was age 6. In that 6 years, I thought my uncle and my aunty were my parents whereas my parents were my uncle and aunty. I fondly called my uncle, Pak Pak while my aunty as Ma Ma later changed to Ah Leong as my other aunties were advising me to be sensitive to my own mom...Later, my cousins gave Pak Pak an english name ie Marcos while Ah Leong as Imelda since Pak Pak has some similarity to Marcos, the Philipines PM then..

I remember that those days when i stayed with Marcos and Imelda everyday without failed I will be anxiously waiting for him to return from work. A glass of tea and an innocent look, hoping that for a ride on his kapchai..Some evenings worked, some didn't...hahaha..but I never gave up the same old act until I was too big to ride in front of it...

By night, "Incredible Hulk" would be in full action, disturbing him from reading the newspaper...at times, he got so irritated and pinned the lil "green thing" down for good...Thereafter a loud cry can be heard for justice to be done. Immediatley 3 angels (my cousins Judy/ Janet/ Jaycy) will come from nowhere for my rescue. Well, actually they were just trying to shut me up asap!!! When the 'angels' failed, Imelda would always managed to do the job..Marcos would then have his wicked laugh...I hated the laughter so "Incredible Hulk" jumped back on his chest and snatched his reading glasses! Before he could retaliate, Imelda gave out sterned warning to stop the episode..All he could say was "You spoilt lil brat..". There, I must have my last laugh...else, I won't give up!

And his cookings were simply irresistible. Not that Imelda's cooking is bad, she is an excellent cook. My mom and other aunties learned from her on those traditional cooking. Marcos's signature dishes includes young bamboo shoots with beef, braised beef, fish paste porridge or oats (my favourite), beef jerky, steamed egg with fish brain, sweet steamed egg, etc..Boy o boy, I cleaned up my plate everytime and often crossed border to attack his portion too..he he he...

Every weekend, he would planned all sorts to keep me entertained. Plans can be as far as going to Genting Highland just for the sake of cooling down or somewhere just to have a plate of hokkien mee (my favourtie then)...I don't know why but whenever I travelled in a car I fell asleep easily then..So, sometimes we made it to our destination while at times he just made a U turn without uttering a single word...

The last trip with the whole family was to PD. Marcos was not himself somehow. Every now and then, he insisted me to capture photos of him..for memory he said. I did not pay much attention. After supper, we gathered at the corridor with my other cousins ie Jaycy and Janet...as usual, we girls loved to hear him talk..mind you, out 10 words out of his mouth, 7 are foul langauge which we found that without them, it would not be him...He told us that he had lived his life and he would rather die straight if any mishap happens..his will is not to be a burden for his beloved wife and his family..His only worries would be Imelda on her rhuematism and Judy, his 3rd daughter...We immediately hushed him and changed the whole subject..

About 2 weeks after PD trip, Marcos took me to another trip with Imelda..it was just 3 of us..I was reluctant at first but hey, it has been a while that the 3 of us travelled...we headed to Kukup Island in a tour where the whole bus was full of old folks..I guessed I was the only young adult in the group..the tour guide must be wondering if I have signed up on the wrong trip! I hated the tour guide as she did not pass my share of breakfast thinking that young gal would be on diet...why waste?! Marcos noted that and gave half his share to me..I took it because I know if I didn't, he would be upset thinking I am on diet..O, he dislikes those who opt for diet to be thinned..He always said, "Sik tak hai fook" (Able to eat is a blessing!)

By night after dinner, the 2 of us were sitting at the dock enjoying the sea breeze. Imelda went to the room for an early rest.He told me many stories..from politics to family's history. I never grew tired in listening to him..but at times he went silent..and we just simply enjoyed each other's presence...

A horrific news came after 2 weeks from Kukup trip. Dad told me that Marcos was hospitalised when I came back from pasar malam. The dinner which I had before we went to hospital was the most difficult to swallow till date.Marcos hit a beam when he was fixing the roof that afternoon. His brain was bleeding and he was in coma. The sight of him lying in ICU with many tubes inserted is still fesh in my mind.

I prayed so hard for a miracle...after 7 days, he left. My whole world crashed but I was told not to tear whenever Imelda is in sight...she lost her man whom loved her for 50 years!During the funeral,I overheard my cousin was conversing with some uncle/aunty and pointed over to me "Yea, she is the one..you remember her..you know,my father loves her so much as though she was his own...everyone said she looked like him and he was so proud. He even hid in the toilet and cried when she went home at 6 yrs old..his eyes continued to be red for the next few days..this is how my father loved her.." He cried???!! I remember that day when my parents took me, I cried to the top of lungs, hanging to his legs but I can't recalled anyone came for my 'rescue'...

Disbelieving what I heard, Jaycy and Janet confirmed to me in several other occassions..even Imelda too...

A man whom had been through the toughest in his life and never once gave up...would tear for a small non blood related girl..I am so touched and I am lost for words for his love...While I was lost and angry that Marcos never had a real chance to enjoy his retirement age, God spoke .."My child, why are you so angry?? you prayed for a miracle and wanted with all your heart for him to have good life...wouldn't being with Me, he will have ALL things?" My heart agreed with God but my mouth just unable to say "Amen" because I am no longer near him...

Over the years, the Lord helped me to build myself and I began to re-look to those times when we spent time talking...I realize that the PD trip we made 1 month before he departed, he had given us the last message..ie Look after Imelda and Judy for me...he knew he was leaving...he damn knew it!!!

And I guess, I learned that in loving someone, it is not necessary to be near him/her...more importantly is I continue his wishes and be of someone whom he can be proud of...

I am so blessed that God has given me him and I am so blessed that he is with Him...AMEN!THANK YOU, Pak Pak..it doesn't matter how many years will passed, you will always be part of me...

Destination

I was reading a book and a phrase caught my attention where it reads "..the destination is less important than the journey."

I beg to differ as my destination is as important as my journey. By knowing where I am heading, I then know how to path my way and more importantly I pray that my way would be in line with His 'prepared route' for me...

Last few weeks have been rocky...work is getting more pressurize..Everyday is do or "die". It did not matter what are the 'obstacles', just know that we need to deliver our target. Here we know where is our destination ie 600m is the mark. But the pathway is never clear..rocky, winding, contradicting and most of the time we found 'dead-ends'...I pray that something can be done before we end up like many others whom we once 'laughed at' for acting like a headless chicken. I used to be upset when I hear about a resignation from someone I am close to. Now, if the same happens, I would be happy for them...Many have asked that I do the same..at the moment, my mind and my heart could not agree with each other...I guess, being loyal has a price to pay but how much more can I afford to fork out???

Not just having to deal with the pressures at work, getting in and out of the hospital is like adding tonnes of weight on my shoulders. I praise God for His miracle healing on mom whom lost her memory temporary...but unfortunately she did not receive a clean bill of health when we returned for a second check-up. Her white blood cells count is abnormally high. Another check is needed.

As I was trying not to let the devil to control my mind, a SMS came during a meeting and my Ah Leong was rushed to UH for a suspected stroke. I was lost during the whole meeting and the memory of loosing both my Ah Pak and dad quickly dominated my thoughts. I prayed silently that history will not repeat and God has graciously heard my prayer...Ah Leong was diagnosed with low sugar level instead of stroke. Hallelujah! She recovered and discharged within 3 days...

Well, the above was not the only incidents..my bro broke his ankle badly during a futsal..here we go, it's UH again!!!sigh..going to UH's emergency ward was almost like frequent visits to a friend' house. This has to stop and it will in Jesus's name. I am believing in God to place His mighty hands on my family members and heal them...Amen..

Thorughout the challenging times, it made me realized that having Jesus in my heart is all I need to carry me through, nothing to fear, nothing to be confused...just walk wih Him faithfully...though the path maybe rocky, winding, contradicting, dark, no consistency... but it is the path that I have chosen and must take because I know damn sure that I am seeing "The Light" in front of me...MY DESTINATION!

In You I trust, amen...

A cave in Ipoh (aka "The Light")

What a Weekend!

Wow, it has been a great weekend... and I hate that it is ending soon. Nevertheless we might have a public holiday if Lee Chong Wei wins the gold later! Come on Chong Wei, you can do it..all Msian supports you..we need a break! :)

On Saturday we celebrated Shin's bday at d'italliane restaurant, Jaya 33. The food was nothing fantastic compares to Nero Vivo, Jln Ceylon. However it was the occassion and the companions that made the lunch simply superb! Blessed Birthday, my dearest pal Shiny..

Ceasar Salad

Mushrooms

Our bday cake for Shin :)

bday girl with Pei Sze n me

An hour after lunch, Pei Sze smsed and suggested to meet up with some old schoolmates. Well, it has been a looooonnnngg time I have not seen my secondary school friends and was recently hooked up via facebook. And we did. 1st to turn up was my form 1 and form 2 sitting partner, Sharon. Wow, the last time we met was during Pei Sze's wedding. It was 6 yrs ago and we realized that we were then in our 20s..how time flies! I still remember the girls who sat behind us ie Hoo Lai Ching and Chew Mei Loo..wonder where are these girls?! Next who walked in was Yoke Mei and then came Swee Cheng. These were the infamous petite pretty girls...I used to envy YM as her god-mom never failed to bring her good food during recess while I had to settle with 50 cents mee sup... :( ...SC as she was and is still like SC...chatty n happy go lucky kinda gal!

We began to chat and many many names appeared in our conversation...brings back a lot of memories and wonders too...we were thinking where they are now ..it's so true that schooldays were the best days in our life - when we have a big bunch of friends (u can actually name 40-50 friends easily) and were so care-free...still remember that we used to gather around and have our very own karaoke whenever teacher was absent...those days New Kids On The Block were like Beatles in the 60s...Tommy Page, Belinda Carlise, Debbie Gibson, Rick Astley etc..when evening comes we would proudly ride our BMX and explored our neighbourhood like the Mat Rempits these days..hahahaha..

Swee Cheng,Sharon, Pei Sze, Yoke Mei

Sigh, it has been more than a decade gone since high school. This gathering is great and i surely hope for more reunions..:)

Healing...

It was already near 1am when I returned home last nite and I saw my mom's room light was still on. I was suprised and felt guilty, thinking if she was waiting for me.

I went in the room and found her lying on the floor like a little girl burning midnite oil...I asked why she was still up and scribbling on the floor. She looked up and told me that Pastor requested her to give a testimony tomorrow morning- last minute preparation! I gave her a big smile...

2 Mondays ago, I was having a meeting and received mom's call. At that moment, I was irritated since the meeting was not going on well and the call was just untimely. Nevertheless I answered and mom was complaining about her headache. I told her to take a pill and lie down. She further asked what's today day? and wondered she has woken up since morning. I did not pay much attention and ended the call abruptly. Within 5 minutes, she called again and repeated the same conversation. The 3rd time she called with the same conversation, I knew something went wrong and my whole body started to shake and mind messed up. The same feeling I felt whenever I received calls from home when my dad was suffering from cancer 2 years ago.

By the time I reached home, brother has takee mom to see Dr Wong. They came home 10 minutes thereafter and noted that my brother was irritated while mom was still in the car. I approached her and her face was so pale. She again repeated the same conversation and this time she was unable to remember that she had earlier called me. My brother and myself decided to take her to another clinic since Dr Wong was closed. Throughout our journey to search for a clinic, our patience was really being tested since mom kept repeating her words.

I felt very lost and called Shin and PZ for advice. Same time, I need someone to pray for mom. So I sms Pastor and my cousins. The doctor has no idea what was wrong with mom apart from suffering migraine. BP and temparature were normal. Doc advised to admit mom to hospital. The thought of going to UH's emergency room was like "the devil pulling me back to hell" again...Crying out in my heart.."LORD! NO...PLEASE"

We headed home to take mom's documents and to feed her with medication since it would take some time for the docs in hospital to attend to her. Pastor and Jaycy came. Mom began to sob when she saw them. It reminded me during the time mom was suffering from depression. My heart hurts so much to see the same scenario but this time my dad is no longer around to hug and kiss her...Mom was totally lost and kept crying as though she was being 'kidnapped'...Jay's eyes were red and trying to hold back her tears..

Pastor was strong and reminded us that we need God and we pray...He guided mom to pray and praise God..each time after a prayer, mom will stop crying and compose..that will only last for 5-10 minutes...the saga began again...and we pray and pray..from 5-10 mintues..the time extended to 15 min then 20 mins....finally we managed to calm her and send her to bed...brother was witnessing the whole episode..

I could hardly sleep that night...my heart felt better when she woke up the next day without headache and able to recall some of the incident ..though was vague. I took her to the specialist and over the week she had done MRI and blood test... Also over the few days, she is her normal self again...

With the tests results, the Prof Tan diagnosed Transient Global Amnesia which can be caused by migraine...Mom is now on medication to control her migraine..The words from Prof "You need not to worry as nothing serious.." lifted my soul and I am so thankful for HIS HEALING..IT IS JESUS...I KNOW IT! AMEN...

The best was that my brother witnessed the confidence of our Pastor and his strong bond between himself and the church people...and how God healed our mom...I am waiting for the one day when my brother will be save...Yes, Amen!